Numb

I'm spending my last night in Irvine with two of my closest friends. The past three days have been amazing at best, anti-climactic at worst. Plenty of laughs, silence, reliving good memories, and preventing bad ones from forming. I can't say that my last night was exactly what I thought it would be, but I can't ask for anything more.

The past three months have truly been the definition of a blur. After my first trip back from Irvine, everything beforehand seemed just so unreal, in the most peculiar way. I had no idea what to expect each passing day, and my ability to deal with flexibility and being unsure I think has helped me prepare for my trip. I've learned to accept that some people will appear in your life, and a lot will disappear. And I'm trying my best to be okay with that, but who knows.

I'm not sure who or what I'll be when I return in January. But as of right now, I know I'm a smart, fun-loving girl who doesn't mind speaking without a filter sometimes and isn't afraid to embrace her geeky and nerdy side. And I want to attract the type of people who accept me for who I am, so I'll continue living that way unless someone has a good reason for me to change. Eventually, I want to date a smart, sensitive, driven, and articulate type of man who treats me like a princess in his own special way. But that's neither here nor there. My policy towards dating has never been goal-orientated (insert sniper scope *target acquired*), so the amount of effort I'll exert in that area of my life will be quite minimal at best. Whatever happens happens, and that's very exciting, indeed.

It hasn't hit me yet that I'm leaving in two days, and I have a feeling it won't until I'm on the airplane, sobbing in my seat. I've never been homesick before. I love NOT being home, so we'll see how I react this time. I'll reconvene with everyone I've left behind in a few months, so maybe I'm just overreacting with how much I'll miss all of my friends.

Like I've said, I think this blog has served its purpose, and will be retired before I leave on Monday. I probably won't be on Facebook much either. I'll keep a travel blog and maybe a video blog, probably my Twitter, too. The only thing stopping me from completely cutting off everyone in the world would be that I need to make friends in England, and unfortunately Facebook is conducive to that.

I feel like I should have cried more today. I think I deserved that, at least from you. Something more. But I guess the less emotional the parting, the easier the distance will be. I suppose I got what I wanted - a cardboard box and a pretty ribbon to wrap it up. Memories and feelings packaged and preserved for the rest of eternity. Nothing can taint it now.