SBM

The summer days are gone too soon, you shoot the moon and miss completely. And now you're left to face the gloom, the empty room that once smelled sweetly. Of all the flowers you plucked, if only you knew the reason why you had to each be lonely. Was it just the season?

Now the fall is here again. You can't begin to give in, it's all over. When the snows come rolling through, you're rolling too with some new lover. Will you think of times you've told me that you knew the reason why we had to each be lonely? It was just the season.

I guess there's nothing left to say but thank you, for everything.

Goodbye

This will be my second to last post before this blog retires.

I just wanna say thanks to my readers. I don't write for you, but I'm happy that you care or are curious enough to keep reading and coming back. To my top readers from Los Angeles, Irvine, El Granada, Goleta, Belmont/San Mateo, Glendale, and West Hollywood. Thanks, whoever you are. It means the world.

Yours with love,
Liz

Numb

I'm spending my last night in Irvine with two of my closest friends. The past three days have been amazing at best, anti-climactic at worst. Plenty of laughs, silence, reliving good memories, and preventing bad ones from forming. I can't say that my last night was exactly what I thought it would be, but I can't ask for anything more.

The past three months have truly been the definition of a blur. After my first trip back from Irvine, everything beforehand seemed just so unreal, in the most peculiar way. I had no idea what to expect each passing day, and my ability to deal with flexibility and being unsure I think has helped me prepare for my trip. I've learned to accept that some people will appear in your life, and a lot will disappear. And I'm trying my best to be okay with that, but who knows.

I'm not sure who or what I'll be when I return in January. But as of right now, I know I'm a smart, fun-loving girl who doesn't mind speaking without a filter sometimes and isn't afraid to embrace her geeky and nerdy side. And I want to attract the type of people who accept me for who I am, so I'll continue living that way unless someone has a good reason for me to change. Eventually, I want to date a smart, sensitive, driven, and articulate type of man who treats me like a princess in his own special way. But that's neither here nor there. My policy towards dating has never been goal-orientated (insert sniper scope *target acquired*), so the amount of effort I'll exert in that area of my life will be quite minimal at best. Whatever happens happens, and that's very exciting, indeed.

It hasn't hit me yet that I'm leaving in two days, and I have a feeling it won't until I'm on the airplane, sobbing in my seat. I've never been homesick before. I love NOT being home, so we'll see how I react this time. I'll reconvene with everyone I've left behind in a few months, so maybe I'm just overreacting with how much I'll miss all of my friends.

Like I've said, I think this blog has served its purpose, and will be retired before I leave on Monday. I probably won't be on Facebook much either. I'll keep a travel blog and maybe a video blog, probably my Twitter, too. The only thing stopping me from completely cutting off everyone in the world would be that I need to make friends in England, and unfortunately Facebook is conducive to that.

I feel like I should have cried more today. I think I deserved that, at least from you. Something more. But I guess the less emotional the parting, the easier the distance will be. I suppose I got what I wanted - a cardboard box and a pretty ribbon to wrap it up. Memories and feelings packaged and preserved for the rest of eternity. Nothing can taint it now.

Finale

A lot of "lasts" today.

I'm retiring this blog before I leave for England.

Cadence and Rhythm

Friends

For the first time, I feel like I have a core, reliable, fantastic set of them. One even referred to me as their best friend.

Wow, it's been a long time since I've had a best friend. At least one that considered me one in return.

I have people to see, and people to miss. And people want to see me, and want to miss me, too.

Dolphin

Sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of the ocean when it comes to you. I know where I am, I know the situation, but I have no idea what to do next and, frankly, I'm only barely treading water. The safety of land could be anywhere. I can try swimming towards it, but is it worth the effort? The sweet comfort of solid ground could be in any direction.

And there were times that I wanted to give up. Just to stop kicking my feet, to stop grabbing onto something that I can't hold onto. To let myself fall into the dark unknown because part of me feels like I keep a shred of dignity knowing I was choosing a peaceful end out of my own volition, rather than let my unfortunate circumstance consume me. The respite seems tempting, for consciousness will fade in a matter of minutes.

Then you come along: a sleek, cheerful creature with seemingly no care in the world, passing through the area because I caught your eye, a curiosity in the world you normally inhabit by yourself. Once in a while you make an appearance, and I reach out to you hoping you would lead me in the right direction, or maybe even just help me stay afloat in this vastness for a little while.

The moments where defeat seems like the best way to escape are the times that I hardly notice you. I know you're around, the thought is well placed in the back of my mind, but panic buries logic and reason. I can't track your thoughts and feelings all the time, and you're free to come and go as you please. But part of me knows you're here, and that you're around for a reason.

But during those times I feel like giving up, you nudge my feet and push me above the water's surface, a reminder that I'm not alone in this ocean. You're just as lost as I am, a vagabond without a map or an agenda.

And we float.

Picture

I can't help but smile when I look at ones of us.

Visceral.

Times

Maybe I'm just not made for these.

But I'm glad things are turning out better than I thought they'd be, at 2 weeks before departure.

Hair

I dyed it today.

Part of me that's itching for change is finally coming out.

Nothing sounds more awesome right now than just pulling myself off the grid. No Facebook, no Myspace, no Twitter, no Blogger, no YouTube, no nothing. Just a face, a name, and a personality. I truly am tempted to just disappear and start a whole new life for a few months, letting go of what I was and becoming someone else for a while.

I already have a new hair length and hair color. Just shut off my internet, and I'm halfway there.

Portrait

Let me paint you one.

A sweet, kind man who can take care of himself but doesn't tending or being tended to, either. A gentle soul who respects our differences and has enough of a sense of humor to take biting jokes in stride. A secure human being who acknowledges his faults and if he doesn't make an effort to improve them, than he's at least okay with them. A portrait of modern chivalry who understands that I may be a little crazy and come with my fair share of neuroses, but embraces them as something that makes me who I am. An amiable companion my girlfriends smile at and my guyfriends drink with, who doesn't mind that guys tend to be my closest confidants, although there are always exceptions. A thoughtful gentleman who has the right amount of romance and ruggedness, who gets jealous just enough that I feel like someone worth being protective of, a quality that I possess, myself. An thriving intellectual who is okay with his own complexity, who appreciates both the intricacies of elaborate things and the beauty in simple things. A kindred spirit who can make me laugh to create new memories and to forget bad ones, wipe my tears because they come too easily for my current comfort level, listen to jokes I fail at telling, and appreciate the silences I create because I don't always feel like talking when I'm around his company. Spontaneous and chill, he knows that this may not be forever, and that God blesses us with the company of others for a specific amount of time for reasons we won't know till later. And he, like me, is okay with this.

We'd hold hands not because we have to, but because it's never a bad idea. We'd be a couple, in public and in private, but it would be no one's business but ours. I'd be crazy about him, and he'd be crazy about me. He would say "I love you" in person because that's the way important relationship milestones should be conducted - face-to-face, not through technology that can never replicate the real experience of the physical present. We would develop our own romantic gestures because we'd understand what makes each other happy.

I would fall asleep on his lap, watching TV I was only half paying attention to because he'd be a comfortable resting place for a head too full with thoughts and worries and overanalyzations.

At almost 20 years old, I suppose this is a portrait of what my heart and head want in a "perfect man". I wrote this down as a reminder to myself, something I'll look back on for one dating-related reason or another. Not so much as a checklist or anything ridiculous like that (maybe somewhat after the fact, when a checklist is moot), but as a Polaroid of what I want at this point in my life. Will it change? Hopefully not, I kinda like this.

But I leave it to the fates.
Sed do illam fortunae

Hand

I like the way yours felt in mine.

21

Days till I leave. Things to do:

-Pick up dry cleaning
-Get pants hemmed
-"Dry run" of packing
-Sort out shoes
-Collect pictures
-Get VISA SHIT sorted out
-Zune situation
-Credit card bill
-Get pedicure
-Eyebrows shaped
-Get media sorted out on laptop
-Download shows I won't have in Europe :(
-Converters
-Travel book
-Knit more scarves
-Talk to the bank
-Transfer savings funds


eep.

Atmosphere

.Wherever I go, whatever I do, I wonder where I am in my relationship to you.
Wherever you go, wherever you are, I watch your life play out in pictures from afar.

Boys

The problem with spending an overwhelming amount of time with my sorority sisters is that I've had to be reminded about how shitty they are. Half my girlfriends are going through boy troubles, and hearing their stories was like being hit with a bucket of ice water.

K. said something to me that I've been mulling over since yesterday. And it's sad how we've come to be so cynical of relationships because we're afraid of getting hurt.

K: "When you're in a relationship, it's always better to care less about it than the other person."
L: "...so that they have to adjust to your comfort level."
K: "Exactly. And the risk of you getting hurt is probably less."

Sigh. Sad but true.

Being hurt automatically builds up those callouses, so that trusting people completely is next to impossible without taking a huge step to get there.

And it's sad that there's so much comfort in being alone, that you never risk getting hurt.

I hope I'm not doomed to that fate. I already feel the callouses around me. I guess it'll just have to take the right man to wear them down.

Estrogen

God, I missed being around it.

Hanging out with my sisters today was probably one of the highlights of this short vacation.

It's fun talking about boys with girls. I've forgotten how much I've missed that. Squealing all over!!

I don't want this vacation to end, but I know it's back to reality.

Benefits

Despite all the worrying and bitching I've done this summer, I can't say that my current situation is without these.

As much as an air of officialdom would have been awesome, it's definitely unnecessary and frankly there would have been a lot of messed up shit all around by the end of the summer if it were something established.

I have all the good and fun without the baggage or the responsibility of the real thing.

Is that cheap? Maybe.

But the expiration date is nearing and I'm savoring the present.

Cheers.

Bad

I'd rather have this kind of news than being unsure all around

Regrets

I've reaffirmed my belief that I try and live without them, especially during this very confusing summer.

No matter what happens, I will be okay. And that's comforting.

History majors are blessed with being able to appreciate context and perspective.

All will be well. I know it.

Lists

Some I need to compile/add to/complete

-Men who are unfortunately gay (unfortunate for me)
-Awesome vocalists in medicore bands
-Vocalists better heard than seen

Excellent

I loved talking with M. today. And a discussion of life segued into this:

I won. I won the game I didn't even know I was playing. And even if I knew I was playing the game, trying too hard would have made me lose anyway. But I won. I feel terrible for the people who did play, because I'm sure they were very worthy opponents. I'm not even sure why I won.

I got the prize.

And it feels like this.



Just wanted to share my good mood today.

Mother

Mine has always had a fascination with biographies. She doesn't like fiction very much. She likes current events and biographies.

And frankly, that's how I've been lately. Not with books, per se. But I always read the news and I think that's why I love reading other peoples' blogs. Even random blogs.

I dunno. I enjoy the lives of other people. Maybe it's a bit voyeuristic. But they make it public anyway, so no harm no foul if I happen to read their business for a few minutes and move on.

A snapshot of someone's life. A polaroid.

Sometimes it creeps me out how much I know about other people and having them be completely unaware that a stranger (or even a friend) sympathizes with them. But whenever someone blogs about a bad day I feel bad with them, and I think that adds a bit more humanity into the world even if they don't know it. The fact that someone on the internet has affected my day is a testament to how humanity is finding different ways to connect and grow. So I've made my peace about it.

But sometimes I really need to get off the internet. I'm too good at it sometimes.

Negative

Okay, enough of this type of bullcrap that I apparently have been recording in the blogosphere for the past few weeks. Don't worry audience, I have not actually been feeling all this crappy. There's so much good happening, too!!

1) More blogs! Check it out: http://whispertoaroar.pbworks.com It's a wiki about my research project. I don't know how many hits I'll get at this website, but I really want people to get excited about doing research projects! God, I'm such a nerd but I LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT!

2) I'm going to be IRVINE bound next week! AHHHH! I'm so excited! I get to see some people that I've truly missed and whom my heart aches for. If everything goes well, I won't remember much of next weekend. YEEE

3) I really feel positive about who my friends are. Friends are the people who are excited to see you when you've been separated for a long time. And I really do think I have that in Irvine.

4) NO SCHOOL. NO MORE BEDTIMES. EXCELLENTE!

5) I think a lot of reading and knitting will be done for this last month that I'm here.

6) It feels nice to feel attractive. Especially when you don't feel like you are.

7) My family has taken on a fascination with my guinea pig that I've never thought possible. They love him. Yay <3

8) I'm so glad I have unlimited text. One of the few times this summer where I thought to myself, "Wow. Perfect timing!"

Okay, its late so I'm getting to bed soon. Toodles!

Fears

I'm not sure how to deal with them right now. I was think about what you were so afraid of, what kept you so separated for so long.

I'm afraid I'm feeling that now, too.

Please comfort me.

Struggle

"et quid erat quod me delectabat, nisi amare et amari? sed non tenebatur modus ab animo usque ad animum quatenus est luminosus limes amicitiae, sed exhalabantur nebulae de limosa concupiscentia carnis et scatebra pubertatis, et obnubilabant atque obfuscabant cor meum, ut non discerneretur serenitas dilectionis a caligine libidinis. utrumque in confuso aestuabat et rapiebat inbecillam aetatem per abrupta cupiditatum atque mersabat gurgite flagitiorum. invaluerat super me ira tua, et nesciebam. obsurdueram stridore catenae mortalitatis meae, poena superbiae animae meae, et ibam longius a te et sinebas, et iactabar et effundebar et diffluebam et ebulliebam per fornicationes meas, et tacebas. o tardum gaudium meum! tacebas tunc, et ego ibam porro longe a te in plura et plura sterilia semina dolorum superba deiectione et inquieta lassitudine."

Augustine's Confessions, Book II.2

I don't think I'm this extreme. But I think about it every day. It's a Catholic thing...

Gradient

Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right
Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, i am in repair

Stood on the corner for a while
To wait for the wind to blow down on me
Hoping it takes with it my old ways
And brings some brand new luck upon me
Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, i am in repair

And now i'm walking in the park
All of the birds they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again
It will be good to say you know me

Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
Oh i'm never really ready, yeah, oh, i'm never really ready
I'm in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there

Comfort

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Vulnerability

I think I'm beginning to understand what role it plays in relationships and how amazing and awful it can be, whether the relationship is romantic or platonic. It affects sometimes the entire dynamic of the relationship.

I have a lot of mixed, non sequitur ideas about this, so I'll try and organize it and record what's been going on in my head this morning.

On my way to school, I was listening to Taylor Swift's Hey Stephen and mentally complimenting her for her superb lyricism. And then I remembered that the first time I heard about her was like, 3 months ago and her stupid song Teardrops on My Guitar. And I called it stupid because that song makes me think of stupid girls crying their hearts out over stupid guys. (Not that all guys are stupid, just the "stupid" subcategory of the male population.) I mean, why waste your time and tears over someone who obviously doesn't feel the same way?

And then I remembered the episode of Scrubs I was watching yesterday. It was the one where an old woman dies a few months after her husband, simply because she just didn't have the will to live anymore. Elliot was all caught up that if JD died, she would want to have enough going on in her life that she just wouldn't die right after him. But the whole episode, she kept complaining about how much she missed JD and kept texting and wanting to call him all day. So Dr. Kelso had to point out that Elliot can't judge because she's basically in the same position.

Elliot was confused because she always prided herself in being a strong woman who can stand on her own and live a fulfilled life without dependence on a boyfriend. And she was faced with an odd dilemma - continue trying to be that Beyonce and close herself off from JD with those walls, or be the type of vulnerable, emotional human being that is necessary to fill a relationship with real love.

So all of this got me thinking about the scariness of vulnerability in a relationship. To completely open yourself to someone, to take that leap of faith that maybe things will work out in the end and you won't get crushed. I never really noticed it because I've only had two relationships, without dating anyone in between. But I can't imagine how people do it.... and they do it all the damn time! Set yourself up with a guy, hoping it will work out. And if it doesn't end well, what are you left with? A broken heart and mixed bag of memories.

No wonder people are afraid of opening up. Of commitment. Or even just friendships in general! I consider myself lucky that my experience with trust in romantic relationship has been very good thus far, but I can't imagine that everyone else is so lucky, considering all the songs on the radio about hearts scorned and love lost.
And how much of it is unlucky chemistry, compared to people being inherent assholes? I imagine the ratio is very unevenly biased towards the latter. God, no wonder people have trust issues. Who wants to set themselves up for disappointment?

I might be lucky in the romantic area, but not so much the platonic area. It's always been really hard for me to keep myself surrounded with a core group of friends, and it's only now that I'm starting to realize that maybe its because I hate the thought of being vulnerable around people, to see me weak and upset and about to break down. I hate the thought of burdening other people with my problems, but I'm slowly trying to make myself open up to people because, if I were someone's friend, I would want them to do the same for me. I've always lived by the philosophy of reciprocration, and I guess I should be taking my own advice in this area. I just have to trust that my friends want to hear about my problems and make me feel better as much as I would for them, too.

I know I'm just blabbering on about this, but today I realized that I had been living in a fantasy world for the past few years. Not that I'm saying I was problem free - every relationship has problems. But this idea of every guy I meet from now on is a potential for utter, complete, shitastic failure - that's new to me! What a load of crap. But I guess that's the real world, and I better put on some thick (or I guess thicker) skin because I probably won't be as lucky as I would hope to be.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm finding single life to be more complicated than I thought and after traversing through some previously unexplored territory, I don't have to wonder why people are unhappy. But then I know that it doesn't get any better when you're dating someone, or even when you're in a steady relationship.

It's just same problems, different variables.

So I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm just going to eat my steak and ignore the fact I just spewed all that into the blogosphere.

Break

So right now I'm taking one from two separate things - my Italian oral exams starting tomorrow and all the relationship craziness that's going on. So I'm just going to take a chill pill and ignore both... for now.

And speaking of relationship craziness, I've decided something today. The next time I'm in a serious relationship, like.. for-serious serious, I don't want to say 'I love you' until I really mean it. If the guy says it first, I don't want to reply just because it sounds nice.

This isn't high school anymore, even though you can get away with it much easier. Guys just say it to get what they want from girls, considering their maturity level at the time. And I understand that. But even in high school, I used to get kind of upset hearing girls throw around those words for the boyfriends they switched up every 3 months. So irritating.

Love is about choosing the highest good for the other person. And if you can't handle the selflessness of that statement, then you're obviously either not in love or not mature enough for it yet.

This is real life, now. It's a big deal to say those words, and it always has been. That's why there's always a suspenseful moment when a girl finally blurts it out or a guy makes his heartfelt proclamation of love. To like someone is as different as being crazy about them as it is being in love with them. And being premature about it is what breaks hearts and gets people in trouble. You really, truly have to understand what you put at stake when you wholeheartedly feel that way about someone.

And if all goes well, I won't have to say those words for a very long time. When I'm with the right person and our relationship has matured to a certain place, then yes, I'll be ready. But for now, I'm just going to sit and wait, and save those words for my family and lighthearted remarks. I'm in no hurry :)

Ready

I don't think I am as much as I thought I was. Watching HIMYM and talking with friends, I'm doubting my own strengths and my confidence is a bit shaken.

I want to do right by people, and I try so hard that usually I just end up hurting myself. And the thing is, I am perfectly okay with that.

I really should learn how to be more selfish... to look out for myself sometimes, you know?

But like I said. I just want to come out of this situation knowing that I did everything I could to be a good person, to give no cause for unkind words from you or from anyone else.

Mood

I'm in a weird one right now. I don't know what's up. I should be really happy and relaxed, considering I took a nap today, but I don't know. I'm kind of restless and a bit tired so it's a weird combination. I don't know what to do with my energy, so I'm just going to write.

I'm officially senior standing. I'm getting really nervous that I won't be able to finish in time. I'm almost half done with both my majors, so it's just a matter of careful planning and not-failing and hopefully I'll be fine. I was looking at my transcripts today and they don't seem too bad... grad school is always at the back of my mind, and I really want my eventual $20,000 in student loans to be worth it and actually get into a good program.

If I spent all this time and effort and energy and end up going to some shitty second-rate grad program I'll shoot myself.

Doubts

Over the past week or two, they've been slowly fading away with each passing night. I was afraid something was uneven between us. But the scales are finally balancing correctly, as least how I perceive it, so I can't wait for what's to come. I'm no longer as worried or as paranoid as I used to be, and a non-fretting Liz is a happy Liz.

I've learned a lot about myself from you, and I hope you did too. I think I've delved into my own self-image and maybe exposed and discovered some insecurities I was never aware of.

If anything, at the end, this will one of the best learning experiences I've ever had. I'll walk away with that much, for sure.

Exponential

Why is the hope to heartbreak ratio this way?

Listen

I CAN DO THIS TO JACK WHITE ALLLL DAAYYYY LOOONNGGGG

I forgot how much I loved the White Stripes. Any project Jack White works on gets my seal of approval.

Eyes

They're on the future, baby!

It's July 21st, meaning I will be in London in approximately 2 months. As the countdown is continuing, I just want to list off a few things I am and am not looking forward to before I leave.

Awesome

Seeing my boys AHHH!! This AIM relationship I have going on right now with them (and the occasional phone call) is getting a little tiring, and frankly, I miss their physical presence. It's hard to be an overwhelmingly cute girl-who's-a-friend if I can't be around for punches (giving them of course, not receiving) and hugs (both). I miss the innuendos, the really really blatant sexual suggestiveness, talking about the differences between men and women, and certain noises coming out of someone's mouth when we play Halo. Man...food, beer, and Halo don't sound bad at all right now! Give me a BR and some good dudes and good times will be had!

Dating! I have a date to go on when I arrive in Orange County :) How exciting, right? (Especially after that disastrous affair with unnamed cute guy who loves being a flake! Asshat. I should unfriend him on FB) Hopefully he won't change his mind by the time I get there, considering anything can happen in 2 months, 400 miles away from each other. Right now, the goal is just to keep myself interesting and intriguing enough until then. We've been planning this out for a while, so it's just as torturous to think about it as it is pleasant. We'll just go with it for now. :)

Shopping I don't care how much of a fucking geek I am or advertise myself as. God, do I love shopping. Especially when I have a excuse purpose, like buying England clothes. I've been eying a certain pair of boots for a few days now. I wonder how long it'll take me before I cave in. This is very bad for my credit card. Just trying to look cute. That's the goal!

Packing I'm a freak and I love packing. That is all.


Not awesome!

NOT seeing my boys! OR MY GIRLS FOR THAT MATTER!! :( :( I'm going to miss all my friends so much. God, I talk like I'm going away forever. But it's true! I've been really missing my sisters lately, and I know its going to get worse after I leave. Certain friends have promised to Skype with me while I'm abroad, coincidentally shirtless in hopes of attracting any females who might be around the computer at the time HAHAHA. I can't wait. Shenanigans...

Dating This goes both for before, during, and after my trip. Overall, I'm trying not to think about this area too much because pessimism is my modus operandi, and I don't like the idea of potentially setting myself up for more disappointment, even though I catch myself doing it a lot more lately. I'm just trying to live in the moment and enjoy what I have, which is complete awesomeness, and put a little bit of faith and hope into the future. After that, there's not much more one can do, right? :)

So here's my official prayer: Lord, I give you my dating/romantic life. It's as awesome as it is complicated, so frankly I don't want to think about it right now. I have better things to think and stress out about. You, being omniscient and everything, obviously know the future and know what's best for me. I'm just gonna keep doing what I'm doing, and You can deal with it. Thanks, you're the best!

Oh, and I'm trying to suppress my girly fantasies that I'll have some sort of whirlwind romance with a sickenly-charming Briton with lots of money who'll spoil me for a few months, like some sort of twisted Disney movie, because it probably won't happen. (I'm such a Happy Harriet, right? :P ) When in reality, my awkwardness will somehow increase exponentially the more time zones I cross. Oh Jesus, I'll need prayers in this area.

Damnit, my awkwardness is awesome and if unnamed Briton can't see that, then he can suck my balls.

Life in England Oh Jesus, I actually have to be outgoing enough to meet people. Excellent..........

Nosebleed

I'm on notice because of one right now, at least in my mom's view. I got a bad-ass nosebleed last week, which undoubtedly perked up her ears when I said I hadn't had it this bad since high school.

I use to suffer from chronic nosebleeds, so a return of one will not be good in the slightest. There's no reason for their return, either. Yes, its been hot in the bay area but not at all as hot as Irvine got for days in a row. Maybe weather change? No idea.

I don't like this. Not at all.

And someone I know dreamed about me falling off a cliff that night. I don't know whether I want that to be the reason or not lol. Spooky!

Decisions

A few months ago (maybe a year?) you told me that taking our class was one of the best ones you ever made at UCI

I feel the same way, too. I hope you know that.

I hope we'll be friends for a very long time :)

Goddess

I am a domestic one!

So this summer I decided to conquer the Mt. Everest of crafts to me - sewing. And I did!

I have no idea what the hell I'm doing, but doggone it I made myself the cutest pair of legwarmers/bootcovers!!

Advice

I have some for the males out there.

If you can make a girl smile in 5 words or less, you're doing something right.

Desire

011010010010000001101101011010010111001101110011001000000110001101110101011001000110010001101100011010010110111001100111

sigh.

Years

Its been only a few months since I've seen you, but its been this long since I've known you. I've always felt like our friendship was so uneven - I really would have done anything for you, but I never felt like you felt the same way.

I wonder how you're like right now. Because the last time we were close I know I was a totally different person.

I've heard rumors of what you've been up to, and I hope they're not true. You're better and smarter than that.

But people change. I understand that.

It's just unfortunate in some situations...

Soul

You gain a small window to theirs when you listen to music they think the most important for you to hear.

Underestimated

I've thoroughly done this to two artists in the past, but now I can really recognize their musical genius:

Lady Gaga
Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift is one smart girl. And she writes her own lyrics. I mean, they're campy sometimes. But at least she writes them herself. Kickass!

Habits

Tuesday was a weird day for them. Finally seeing you was really nice. There were a few remnants of emotional attachment, but I think it was more of a draw towards the remnants of companionship more than anything else. The past few years have been so set between us, and it was a little weird suppressing some habits and instincts that we've built up and have been used to for so long. There were a few out-of-body moments and self-realizations throughout the whole day, actually. You're so used to acting a certain way around people, that when the circumstances change, you can't help but revert to the way things were, despite all efforts to achieve the contrary. But like I said, I think it was just automatic instinct taking over for a few seconds. I hope you're not offended.

I think it says a few things about me and where I am right now. I know that I don't feel the way I used to anymore, which is good for both of us. And I think a part of me misses the physicality of companionship.

I mean, there's no way in hell I'm complaining about the state of my romantic life at this point. Even just a month ago, I would never guess I would ever be this happy while still remaining technically single.

But nevertheless, although I still feel like leaning on shoulders and holding hands and hugs and kisses are definitely something worth missing, at the same time they are also definitely something to look forward to and worth waiting for when the right opportunity with the right person arises.

Impractical

I'm becoming more of it, but I think I'm okay with that for now.

You're the only one who knows of today's tragic event. I don't even know why I called you because you physically couldn't do anything about it but listen to me panic. But you're the first person I thought of and I hope you're okay with that.

Charming

After careful consideration, I think you are too much of it for your own good. In the two years I've known you, I never really saw you that way, though. You were always a little goofy and nerdy, but it took me a few years and the insistance of our mutual friend to make me realize that you really are this woman-attracting machine. We've been solely just friends, and plus I was dating, so I guess I was really just kind of blind to it. We bet that you can walk into any room and be able to charm the shit out of at least one female in it. But I think that your goofiness is part of what makes you so attractive. It puts girls off, makes them comfortable, and if anything, makes them laugh and wanting to come back for more.

And I think the fact that you're not aware of your charming-ness is hilarious. You already admitted your obliviousness to the females, so keep thinking that way! Too much of an ego is never favorable, or attractive.

You're a good guy and I think that any girl is lucky to have you (even though I'm rooting for a particular one, duh). I know this summer has been both rough but kind to you, so I hope that whoever is on your priority list works out :)

Happy

Fully, completely, inside and out, with whole heart and being

finally

I am.

SS 3:1-3

In lectulo meo, per noctes,
quæsivi quem diligit anima mea:
quæsivi illum, et non inveni.

Surgam, et circuibo civitatem:
per vicos et plateas
quæram quem diligit anima mea:
quæsivi illum, et non inveni.

Invenerunt me vigiles qui custodiunt civitatem:
Num quem diligit anima mea vidistis?

Akin

"You cannot have forgotten the advice I give to all my young friends," Jackson wrote an acquiantance in 1826, "that is to say, as they pass through life have apparent confidence in all, real confidence in none until from actual experience it is found that the individual is worthy of it..." - A. Jackson

Trust no one except those who have proved themselves, yet never let those who have failed the test know that when they look at you, they are looking at a mask.

As much as I am an ardent Hamiltonian, I knew there was a reason why I've taken such a liking to Andrew Jackson. I feel like that's how I've been living my life recently.

I think I build up walls because I don't think people have yet to prove themselves worthy. But in building those walls, I don't think I've given very many people the chance. That's quite a circle.

I've never liked the idea of having one single person know every single thing about me. I'd feel like I've lost myself, in a way. I hope that doesn't sound selfish, but maybe I feel like that thoughts and secrets I harbor are one of the few things I actually own. Really own.

I've nearly spilled my heart out to some people over the past few months, and to surprising results. They didn't laugh. They didn't leave me alone. They've become my closest friends, and I haven't had that in a long time. So maybe being vulnerable and miserable in front of people has its benefits, and is worth the "humiliation" of being seen as so weak that you can't support yourself.

I realize that now because I have doing the same thing for them. Constantly reminding friends who think they're being a debbie downer or a sad sap that there are reasons why friends exist. To support each other, hear each other bitch and moan and cry and, hopefully, laugh and have a good time.

I've definitely learned a lesson. Friends are there to hold you up when you feel down, to shoot down your bad ideas, get really drunk with you and make semi-bad decisions, and basically be the crutch that we all need to get through shitty times.

I hope I don't grow as hardened as Mr. Jackson, but I do feel akin to the fierce, unabashed, balls-to-the-wall loyalty that has for the important people in his life.

Nix

Non possum seder et facere nihil. Sollicitas me - meum cogitantem, somnia. Conor orare te - avertis. Timeo dolus - ab me aut te, aut etiam stulta fato. Agar tristi lamentationi. Habeam alliquid tanum bellum, aut commodum, paene etiam perfectum, si solum paucae tempori. Sed videam id aliquando evanescere. Conor esse jucundus, etiam bonae spei. Anxietas sequitor omnia alta nicas spei. Ascipliam limis oculis. Sed mea anxietates sunt veres. Promitto.

Dear Computer

I deeply treasure the expediency with which you allow me to communicate with the outside world, this more than any other ability you possess. Every day I turn to you and plot my escape, anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours, although one can seem like the other when the circumstances are right. Because my present situation places me many miles from those I wish to speak with in person, I cherish your ability to let me communicate with the ones I hold most dear to my heart. I think friendships were tempered, bonds were formed, and walls were torn down because of you. You allow me to fulfill a basic human need when more favorable situations won't present themselves for many, many months.

But yet, I would feel nothing would bring me more ecstasy than chucking you out of a window, never to beep again. I hate how I am so dependent on you. You pull me into a reality that isn't tangible, isn't what I can operate in without feeling disconnected from where I wake up and fall asleep every day. More than anything, I feel like you close my world in. You limit me. There is so much I haven't experienced outside, with real people in real places. You're as much as a comfort as you are a drug, and I hate it.

I think I will be the happiest when I can finally rest my soul in a cabin nestled in the Santa Cruz Mountains. While my man is outside chopping wood for the fire, I'll be a domestic goddess spending my days knitting and sewing and experiencing nature as it was intended. As it should be. Without technology.

non solus tui

La mer qu'on voit danser, le long des golfes clairs, a des reflets d'aegent la mer, des reflets changeants sous la pluie.

I need respite.

Conor

Conor. Conor. Conor. Conor. Conor.

Desidero vivere bonum vitam nunc. Desidero remanere omnia.

Est spes?

Ack. Simple sentences. My last Latin note was way better. But I also had a dictionary with me.

Doomsday

It was tonight.

Someone out of the four of us deserves a happy ending.

:)

Compliments

1) I need to learn how to take them. Seriously. Tonight was just further reiteration of that apparent truth. But I'm working on it!

2) Watched an American Idol audition, where Briana (?) sings "The Phantom of the Opera". Paula Abdul compared her to Sarah Brightman

I wouldn't consider that to be one. Hmmm...

My old voice teacher's choirmates referred to her voice akin to "sodomizing a pig". haha. Oh Sarah Brightman...

Timing

I have very bad luck with it.

Screenplay

I'm going to write one. It would be a romantic dramedy that revolves around three guys and a girl.

The girl is dealing with the end of a four-year relationship and the unexpected development of a deeper friendship with her friends who've taken care of her. Boy 1 is trying to get back together with an ex-girlfriend who he believes to be his soulmate, and is planning for the day he's gonna confess his love for her. Boy 2's girlfriend is going through a period of 'self-evaluation' and wants freedom for her last year in college, and he's trying to figure out how to make both of them happy. Boy 3's relationship problems are already over, and he's basically the rock for everyone else who's falling apart.

It'll be amazing.

Discovery

A Fine Frenzy

'One Cell in the Sea'

I need to sit and listen to this album. I mostly listen to music as white noise, but one of the songs perked my ears, so I need to sit and really absorb it when I have the chance.

Passion

http://www.llangollen.tv/en/clip/103

This is why I do what I do. No matter how much it may drive me crazy some days.

It's about creative release.

http://www.llangollen.tv/en/clip/91

Friends

My problem isn't making them.

It's keeping them.

Church

I miss mine. I don't like my mother's. But I go because Sunday mornings are 'family mornings', times where everyone in my family hangs out for a few hours. Those are my favorite.

Maybe I'll go on Saturdays.

Alaska

We're off, babe.

Teleportation

I need to find a device that gives me this ability. Like, right now.

The Economist

Thank you for this magazine cover for the week.

Shit

I like to stir some up whenever the right opportunity presents itself. :)

Ochlodes sylvanoides

In case you aren't aware, you are capable of producing a prodigious amount of these.

Humanity

Why is it that we sometimes desire from others the traits that they wish to bury?

Onions

For someone who thrives in simplicity, I don't think I actually exist that way.

I wish I did, though.

God

Has a fucked up sense of humor.

Morning

It's just past midnight. I've been thoroughly comforted and convinced that I am a good person and I didn't do anything wrong. I just now need to convince myself that ignoring people will be better than trying to talk to them in the long run.

So long! Thou shalt not hear my voice for many, many, many months to come.

As much as I love God, I feel like he's punishing me with all this crap. I'm having a bit of a Job moment, if you will. Things were going down the shitter, then they got really good, and now they're starting on their downward spiral. Why? Is that what life is? Just a series of ups and downs??

And what about timing? Why God, why are you punishing me by presenting me with all these great opportunities and shitty situations exactly when I DON'T need them?!

Life needs saran wrap. Or one of those vacuum sealer things where I can just wrap everything up really nicely, tie a bow atop it, and set it up on shelf and come back to it in 6 months. I would have liked to do that a few days ago, just paused my life at a time when friends existed, bonds were intact, and smiles hid secrets. Then I would take a nap till September, ship off to England, have a whirlwind romance with a terribly charming rich Briton who would spoil me silly for a few months, then come back and have my life resume from a very advantageous point. Advantageous for me, I guess.

*headdesk* and a *faceplam* for good measure.

Hurt

I feel a lot of it right now. I'm trying to be a good person. A nice person. I didn't want to intrude, or step on anybody's toes. But I hate getting treated like this for no reason. WHY?

Men are jerks. Ugh.

Place

I'm in a really good one right now. Trying new things, taking risks, peeing in the wind. I haven't felt this way in a long time. Change is in the air, and it feels awesome. This is a summer of inversions and opposites, and its thrilling to say the least.

Paradigm shift!

Things I've Learned by Having Guys as BFFs

Earlier this week I was chatting with one of my best friends on AIM while facing a male 'crisis' on another window. I was ridiculously nervous, typing JKGBARJG OMGOMGOMG, abusing the Billy Mays key while he returned the favor sharing in my excitement. I paused for a moment and said, "If you were a girl, right now we'd be squeeee-ing" He replied, "Manly grunt?" And I realized what was happening and said, ":( It's not the same." As much as I love my boys, there's nothing that can replace the estrogen-filled goodness that comes with screaming about trivial issues like boys and clothes and hair and such.

But the past year has taught me a lot guys in general and how awesome they can be, both as lovers and as friends. I am a woman of simple pleasures, generally turned off by the cattiness and complexity of female friendships (I went to an all-girls school. Even without personal experience, shit goes down fast). So that may account for why the people I consider the closest to me, the ones that have listened to me at my worst and cheered me on at my best, are a bunch of dudes. And long nights, relationship crises, and general bonding has taught me a lot about the male species. From personal experience and shared stories, rants, and ravings, here's a few things I've learned.

Men are simple creatures
Food. Beer. Love interests. Video Games. Sports. Music. It doesn't take much to make them happy. And when they're mad, they'll vent it and then get over it.

Men are wussies
When they care. The guy who is able to go up to a girl in a bar or party or classroom and just strike up a conversation with her is IN THE MINORITY. Most guys don't have the balls to do that, so that cute guy in your discussion that you really wish would talk to you is probably thinking the same thing too, but society dictates that he has to initiate. Talk about peer pressure! That sucks. Another reason I'm glad I'm a girl :) If you're a girl, more than likely there is a man out there who exists that has seen you in class or at the library and wished that he had the balls to say "Hi" to you. But they didn't, and are now kicking themselves for being a pussy.

Men are still wussies
The first hurdle is just talking to the girl. Asking her out on a date? Asking you to be their girlfriend? Sorry, but they probably won't do it if there is at least a HINT of possibility. Being rejected sucks, and guys have to face it more often than girls. Hooray society! Jesus, if I were a guy, my self-esteem would be shot by Junior year of high school.

Chances are when he does, he'd been rehearsing the whole thing in his head for the past week. He's analyzed everything that can go wrong. He's been psyching himself out for rejection, which at that point he's making the best-case scenario. There's the week-long nervous wreck phase, the "FUCK IT IMMA DO IT NOW" moment of conviction right as he walks up to you, and the odd sense of peace that comes with finally spitting the words out. And we girls? We're just sitting back watching this poor guy suffer and stutter his way through the words "You..me..movies..Friday?" So precious. This kamakazi process also applies to initiating contact with a girl, especially when he's been eying her in class for the past quarter.

Men think they're awesome
I learned about this in my last relationship, but after discussions with friends I've learned that this is what most guys think. They have this "Knight-in-shining armor" complex where if something is wrong, they think they have to fix it. Especially if it involves their girlfriend or significant other. And most of the times, they can't. Self esteem, school, parental problems, peer pressure. A guy watches his girl deal with these things, listens to her cry about it every night, and it drives him crazy that all he can do is sit there and just listen. His gut is wrenching, his knee is shaking up and down, hands are fiddling. He wants to fix it but he can't.

Guys like having set goals and finding ways to achieve them. Leaky faucet? Spider in he bathroom? It must be fixed. But when the problem presents no solution, it drives them crazy.

Men Don't Go Shopping
They go "buying". They need pants? They'll go out and buy pants at the first store they think of. They walk out the door with an item in mind and the will and conviction to achieve that goal. Girls will spend the time and effort shopping around for the best deals. This is why guys generally don't enjoy the shopping process. They enjoy YOU. So they'll walk around through every aisle, holding your bag and the things you may or may not try on eventually. Maybe they like having a say in your selection, but in general, if he follows you around in the store and you didn't let him loose inside "Brookstone" to wait for you, its not because he likes shopping. He likes shopping with you. Personally, I like shopping. So whatever. I'm glad I'm a girl.

Men Like Most Games
BUT NOT LOVE GAMES. Like #1, men are simple creatures. They hate your games. They really do. You think its cute to lead him on and act all like hot shit. Or be really uninterested hoping his affections would increase to win you over. NO. Bad ideas. Unless you are both "in" it, like just for fun, then that's cute and flirty and whatever. But if you're using "hard to get" as an actual strategy, I'm sorry. It's going to backfire. Rules 1,2,3 all go into this. If you play games and act all complicated for a man who is probably to scared to make any official moves, you're not going to get a favorable response. He will probably breathe a sigh of relief if you just tell him outright "hey i like you, we should go out sometime" but refuse to tell any of his buddies for fear of losing his "Man" card. Nevertheless, from the moment you think he's interested in you, he probably has been for a while. Don't toy him around, he won't appreciate that in the long run. It might be fun for you, but its torture for him.

Oy vey, Pope Benny!

Gotta give props to that guy. Major, major cajones.

In the midst of an AIDS epidemic, he is standing by the long-standing...stance.. of the Catholic church that denounces the use of artificial birth control, in this case condoms.

Yeah, maybe he's irrelevant to the majority of Americans in this day and age. Maybe he's just the voice of a different, out-of-touch generation. Maybe, in the end, no one's gonna listen to him anyway. Yeah, the Pope is the Earthly head of the Catholic Church, but its people who make their own decisions in the end.

But I respect someone who is willing to take an unrealistic but not unimaginable stance at a time where people are willing to compromise the core beliefs of their religion to please people who don't even follow it.

Once core foundations are changed and removed, then any religion risks losing their followers and becoming something it wasn't meant to be.

And in the end, the Pope can't do anything or force anything on anyone. Really. He's just the head priest who takes a stance on something and people can either choose to listen or not.

So whatever. People just need to calm down.

I won't tell you my score.

Presenting Gizmodo's Geek Social Aptitude Test (GSAT) You get one point per true statement.

The GSAT
1. I own and wear t-shirts featuring the logos of computer/operating system manufacturers.
2. I am over the age of 22 and live with my parents.
3. I am, according to the medical definition, obese.
4. On an average day more of my human interaction happens on message boards or in blog comments than with actual other people.
5. I have ended real friendships over arguments about computer or product choices.
6. I very seriously and passionately try to talk people into buying or switching to my OS/phone/product of choice.
7. I commonly use very specific technical jargon without considering whether or not the person I'm talking to understands it.
8. I hold an engineering or IT degree.
9. I have made a member of the opposite sex sit and watch me play video games for an hour or more.
10. I play with my phone at restaurants.
11. Almost all of my jokes are actually just catchphrases or references to The Simpsons, Family Guy, Borat, or any other popular comedic film or show.
12. I have a medical problem that makes me sweat a lot.
13. I live or have lived for an extended period completely nocturnally, sitting at my computer all night and sleeping all day.
14. I generally do not leave my home if it's not necessary for work or food retrieval.
15. I have over 50,000 Xbox 360 Gamerpoints.
16. I work in electronics retail.
17. I generally am only friends with other Apple people/Windows people.
18. My sense of humor is more in line with 4chan than any other comedic source.
19. I hang out exclusively with members of the same sex.
20. I own and wear a cowboy hat, Kangol hat, fedora and/or bowler.
21. I am the dominant talker in most conversations I have.
22. I think the Star Wars trilogy/Star Trek series is the greatest thing ever put to celluloid and will argue all night about it.
23. When I hang out with my friends, we usually play Risk, Axis and Allies, Dungeons and Dragons and/or Settlers of Catan.
24. I have a level 80 character in World of Warcraft.
25. I've dressed up as a video game character/manga character in public on a day other than Halloween.
26. I say internet acronyms such as LOL and BRB out loud.
27. I own a sword, nunchucks and/or throwing stars.
28. I'm an obsessive collector.
29. I make my own image macros.
30. I am really, really into my cat. Like, really.
31. I have corrected someone's spelling or grammar on a message board or in blog comments.
32. I have authored and obsessively updated Wikipedia entries about cartoons from the 80's.
33. I breathe through my mouth, mostly.
34. I've read all of the greatest novels ever published, all of which happen to be graphic novels.
35. I suffer from halitosis and/or a laziness-based aversion to dental hygiene.
36. I vote for politicians based on their stance on net neutrality.
37. My dream girl has eyes the size of dinner plates, is part robot or, optimally, both.
38. I am a very active member of a private, invite-only BitTorrent tracker with extremely strict ratio/bitrate requirements.
39. I regularly ingest caffeine through unconventional means.
40. I'm convinced that I would be happier if I worked on the Starship Enterprise.
41. I do things for the "lulz."
42. I always have the last word in online arguments. Always.
43. I wear sweatpants more than any other type of pants.
44. I am a guy and I have a ponytail.
45. I believe that it's the rest of the world that's awkward and I actually have everything pretty much figured out.
46. I have a hard drive exclusively dedicated to porn.
47. I write letters to companies and consumer interest blogs whenever I feel that I've been wronged.
48. I'm married in Second Life but single in real life.
49. I read Gizmodo more than the New York Times.
50. I am offended by this test.

A Year in Quotes

2008. Did it suck? Probably. I don't know. I'm going to go through my posts and put some quotes that summed up my year. Yes. I think that's the right way to go.

January:
"why must i be like this? so dependent on other people for my own happiness?"

"Hello current/future interesting teachers/lectures/TA's, I think you are damned interesting. In reality, you probably are. I'd like to have coffee with you and talk about things that will improve my knowledge of your respective field and make me excited about the class I am taking with you. If you are awkward with your students, you make them feel awkward in the class, and that doesn't help anyone. So I am saying hello and wishing you a very merry day and hoping that maybe you will one day realize that connecting with students, not just talking to them, is the most important and effective way to teach."

"You are odd and kind of a bad teacher. I realize you are brilliant becuase you're like, 10 with a PhD. But you are not very engaging and I hate going to your classes because you kill me and being killed is not very fun while trying to learn partial derivatives."

February

"I am an excellent liar, but I hate lying."

"My life is at a certain frequency, and the world is tuned to it. "

March

"I always come off as awkward and too aware of myself, and when you know yourself too well, meeting people gets scary. I hate being too aware of everything."

"Technological Conundrum: When you feel like you can recharge your batteries by unplugging yourself."

"I have my guard up against you. And. at this point, its pretty high. I really want us to be friends. But I don't want this to be any more trouble than its worth. If this is gonna be a major issue of contention... like our relationships becoming severely affected... then forget it. Not worth it."

"UGH its so freudian it makes me sick. I can even diagnose myself"

"No matter what happens, I'll always love him. Even if we go on a break, break up, fall out, or fall in love"

"Does what I would gain outweigh what I would lose?"

"I'm gonna miss you. More than you know."

"But a new alphabet would be a good way to pass my time without Brendan." LOLZ

April

"DUDE SHE IS NOT AS CUTE AS I THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING TO BE. HAHAHAHA WACK!!"

"I'm just itching to do something, anything. It's just... AHHH"

"Just... stop being so self conscious and get over yourselves and act like an intelligent person."

May

"why do i make friends with charming assholes?"

"My Latin teacher has always said that forming conjunction clauses into sentences separates us from the monkeys."

June

"Dear Holy Angels,

In 2003, I auditioned to be part of your choir. Out of the 9 girls from my class who auditioned, I was the only one rejected. Dozens of performances, 5 musicals, 3 choirs, and 1.5 vocal teachers later, I am leaving next Thursday for Wales to tour and compete in an international choral competition with my college-level choir.

I didn't make it in then. But look at me now.

Suck it,
Elizabeth Lopez c/o '03"

July

WALES! :D :D :D <3 <3 <3 THE UK!

August

"The totality of you is nothing less than inspirational, and when I first met you, before I knew you were involved, my first impression was something along the lines of, "you know... i think that's the kind of girl you could fall in love with"

"I'm just shaken by the fact that I can't listen to music the way I used to anymore."

"The measure of a human life is progress."

"I like being asked questions. Good ones. Thought-provoking ones. "


September
"oooooooooooooooooooh snaps."

"Let me know if this is just too insane to consider."

"The fact that you're nervous is a good thing, because it means you care and that you can then harness that nervous energy for the powers of good"

Twilight sux0rs. But Edward Cullen is obsession-worthy

October

"Eggos with Vanilla Ice Cream and Strawberry Vodka Sauce"

"NO LOVE FOR YOU. YOU'RE BANNED FROM MY HOUSE"

November

"Obama. Yawn. Ask me what I think about him 10 years from now"

"Robert Pattinson cannot speak a bloody word of American English. But damn, I could watch him for hours."

"My favourite thing about you is when you pick up your phone to say hello to her. I know it's her because the entirety of you changes. Your mood, pitch and tone of your voice, your very eyes light up when it's her on the other line. I've seen you around her before. Your gentility may seem unnoticed by others, and maybe even by your own self. But I notice. And I think it's beautiful. She means that much to you."

December

" ___: what i feel like i should be doing in college. but resisting of course. i don't know how long this can last"

"____: Is now my favorite. lololololol"

"____:That bitch better calm the fuck down about the org"

"____:Fuck you got back with her? We were gonna hang this quarter! Now I don't wanna hang with you."

Reasons I'm Intrinsically a History Major

1. I enjoy talking to people older than me. I don't find my own generation very interesting at all. I'd probably have a better conversation with your parents than with you.

2. I really enjoy talking to my teachers. I've always been like that, ever since elementary school. I like learning what they already know.

3. Context is everything. Learning more history behind something is like adding layers to a cake. SO much more interesting.

4. I like knowing who wins before watching a sports game.

5. If I find something really interesting, I'll spend a good two days researching everything about it until I'm satisfied.