Really? Really? Come on...

Dear not-black afro-headed guy who's always one row in front of me in PolSci 31a,

Every day. EVERY DAY. I see you. I'm right behind you. You and your stupid anime desktop background. On Facebook. THE WHOLE ENTIRE CLASS. Why? Why bother coming to class? Are you a frackin' amoeba or something? Learning through osmosis?

You're so distracting. I lie, you're not on Facebook the whole time. Nope. Today, you spent a good hour looking at "fail" pictures. Really? REALLY? Can't you go on Reddit or 4chan on your own time? Ha, you think people don't notice what you're really doing. If you want anonymity and privacy in a classroom, sit in the back row where no one can watch you from behind. I notice. I notice everything. How you looked up "fail" under Google images. How you chuckle to yourself and command-click to save those pictures into you're "funny pictures" folder on your hard-drive. Pathetic! You keep a funny pictures folder? What are you, like 10? "HA-HA LOLCAT! I'm gonna save this one so that my offspring can LOL too!" Ugh. Maybe you make a whole collage of them and put them up on your wall, or maybe recycle them onto forum posts filled with the pictures that you've already saved (because I've seen you go backwards from the last page of a forum post filled with those damnn lolcat and fail pictures and brick-shitting pictures. why? WHY?)

When you chuckle to yourself, you're head of unwashed fluff just bounces up and down, irritating your scalp so that you have to scratch it every 15 minutes. Please take a shower before class. Thanks.

I wonder what grade you have in that class. I hope you're failing, because you definitely don't deserve whatever grade you're getting other than bad.

The only thing that would make you worse was if you're some genius kid who DOES in fact learn by osmosis. Please let me punch you in the face.

But for now, keep googling "fail" pictures and we'll see who aces the final. Tard.

Person who wants to scratch the hair off your head,
Liz