Portrait

Let me paint you one.

A sweet, kind man who can take care of himself but doesn't tending or being tended to, either. A gentle soul who respects our differences and has enough of a sense of humor to take biting jokes in stride. A secure human being who acknowledges his faults and if he doesn't make an effort to improve them, than he's at least okay with them. A portrait of modern chivalry who understands that I may be a little crazy and come with my fair share of neuroses, but embraces them as something that makes me who I am. An amiable companion my girlfriends smile at and my guyfriends drink with, who doesn't mind that guys tend to be my closest confidants, although there are always exceptions. A thoughtful gentleman who has the right amount of romance and ruggedness, who gets jealous just enough that I feel like someone worth being protective of, a quality that I possess, myself. An thriving intellectual who is okay with his own complexity, who appreciates both the intricacies of elaborate things and the beauty in simple things. A kindred spirit who can make me laugh to create new memories and to forget bad ones, wipe my tears because they come too easily for my current comfort level, listen to jokes I fail at telling, and appreciate the silences I create because I don't always feel like talking when I'm around his company. Spontaneous and chill, he knows that this may not be forever, and that God blesses us with the company of others for a specific amount of time for reasons we won't know till later. And he, like me, is okay with this.

We'd hold hands not because we have to, but because it's never a bad idea. We'd be a couple, in public and in private, but it would be no one's business but ours. I'd be crazy about him, and he'd be crazy about me. He would say "I love you" in person because that's the way important relationship milestones should be conducted - face-to-face, not through technology that can never replicate the real experience of the physical present. We would develop our own romantic gestures because we'd understand what makes each other happy.

I would fall asleep on his lap, watching TV I was only half paying attention to because he'd be a comfortable resting place for a head too full with thoughts and worries and overanalyzations.

At almost 20 years old, I suppose this is a portrait of what my heart and head want in a "perfect man". I wrote this down as a reminder to myself, something I'll look back on for one dating-related reason or another. Not so much as a checklist or anything ridiculous like that (maybe somewhat after the fact, when a checklist is moot), but as a Polaroid of what I want at this point in my life. Will it change? Hopefully not, I kinda like this.

But I leave it to the fates.
Sed do illam fortunae