Akin

"You cannot have forgotten the advice I give to all my young friends," Jackson wrote an acquiantance in 1826, "that is to say, as they pass through life have apparent confidence in all, real confidence in none until from actual experience it is found that the individual is worthy of it..." - A. Jackson

Trust no one except those who have proved themselves, yet never let those who have failed the test know that when they look at you, they are looking at a mask.

As much as I am an ardent Hamiltonian, I knew there was a reason why I've taken such a liking to Andrew Jackson. I feel like that's how I've been living my life recently.

I think I build up walls because I don't think people have yet to prove themselves worthy. But in building those walls, I don't think I've given very many people the chance. That's quite a circle.

I've never liked the idea of having one single person know every single thing about me. I'd feel like I've lost myself, in a way. I hope that doesn't sound selfish, but maybe I feel like that thoughts and secrets I harbor are one of the few things I actually own. Really own.

I've nearly spilled my heart out to some people over the past few months, and to surprising results. They didn't laugh. They didn't leave me alone. They've become my closest friends, and I haven't had that in a long time. So maybe being vulnerable and miserable in front of people has its benefits, and is worth the "humiliation" of being seen as so weak that you can't support yourself.

I realize that now because I have doing the same thing for them. Constantly reminding friends who think they're being a debbie downer or a sad sap that there are reasons why friends exist. To support each other, hear each other bitch and moan and cry and, hopefully, laugh and have a good time.

I've definitely learned a lesson. Friends are there to hold you up when you feel down, to shoot down your bad ideas, get really drunk with you and make semi-bad decisions, and basically be the crutch that we all need to get through shitty times.

I hope I don't grow as hardened as Mr. Jackson, but I do feel akin to the fierce, unabashed, balls-to-the-wall loyalty that has for the important people in his life.